she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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