im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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