so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
