Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
