woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
