im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
