Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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