I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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