Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't deserve a penis
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
