Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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