260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When did angry sex become our thing?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
