I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
