Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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