party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
