Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
