Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
