I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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