duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
