im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
