my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
