that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You were trust falling into bushes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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