i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
