when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
