I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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