never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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