Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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