If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it