when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize