He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!