you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"