you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I swiped left on my soulmate