i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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