Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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