I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
