Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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