y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
