I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
