she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
