I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
