instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
