She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
