I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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