also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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