I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
