I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize