His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
