my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
