Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
