Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
