sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
