Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
