sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize