6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
