FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
