Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
