She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
