Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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