why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
