If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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