The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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