well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
