Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Come on in and take your pants off
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
