oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
