Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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