Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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