Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
