Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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