My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there was a trapeze. enough said
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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