my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
