I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
