Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
