last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
