Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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