oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
