I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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